I get a sinking feeling that I made a bad decision. I haven’t slept very well at all the past week and a half. Even this morning I was up around 5 a.m. with a throbbing headache. Exercising and water did not help. I am getting screwed over the car. Let’s recap: Herr’s Lincoln (his pride and joy) gets smushed by an absent minded doctor in Oklahoma a few days before our wedding in Minnesota. We end up in a nasty Ford F150, and then back in Oklahoma the week after the wedding so he can get back to work (the railroad owned his every waking and sleeping hour). While there, we had two or three days to find a new car. Neither of us have money (our honeymoon in Japan took everything I had), and because I have the credit, I end up taking a loan on a car (the Taurus) we saw for maybe an hour before I had to sign for it. Found a lot of problems with it, so over the last nine months (we bought the car in February), we fixed every little stupid thing while I made double payments on the loan.

I don’t even use the car and I make the payments on it and the insurance. It runs better than a lot of brand new vehicles. Herr uses it all in highway miles (so he could train service dogs). We aren’t taking it to Germany because I can’t afford it and we would rather not in the first place (we both prefer public transportation). Regardless, it’s no longer an option. I can’t even find money to cover the 2500 dollar monthly rent in Germany, and right now I don’t know what I am going to do about the car.

Then there’s Christmas Eve dinner. We’re hosting 11 people in our 8-900 square foot apartment (we don’t even own a couch), and we haven’t even bought the groceries. The job I am taking doesn’t have a team. I’ll be working alone, and with opposition from what I can tell (they don’t even do server side scripting, so getting a content management system is going to be very difficult). I don’t speak the language. I don’t have the money to live there. And I can’t get rid of the stupid car that’s going to drive me to ruins.

For at least an hour every night I lay in bed thinking of everything that I still need to do (much more than mentioned). I wake up with headaches knowing there’s no end to what I need to do. And on top of all this, despite going to the fitness center 5-6 times a week, I’m gaining weight, and it’s not muscle. Would someone just buy the stupid car so I can pay for the first month’s rent?? You’d think that with me going to Germany to directly support our troops and my trustworthiness (one potential buyer treated me like dirt saying I couldn’t be trusted; I had a major breakdown before he called back after agreeing to buy it and nonchalantly said “I’ll pass”), someone would find it in their heart to buy a perfectly fine car that’s in better shape than when we bought it for nearly double than what we’re asking. I need sleep, I haven’t felt like myself in a long time. And people need to get a heart.

4 thoughts on “Woes

  1. I agree with Josh. It will work out, and in the end you will be glad you did it. It takes a lot of work and stress to stretch ourselves. But this is all better than giving up.

  2. Calm thyself Amy. Things will work out for you. Have you tried putting the car up on Craigslist.com? Put a picture, bluebook info, whats been done to the car, and an asking price. That’s all you need. Don’t go into detail. It’s mostly guys looking at that stuff and they aren’t interested in defined details. Mostly “Does it run? Does it stop? How much?” 🙂

    And as for that dude who was mean to you… tell him where he can stick it.

    Don’t be concerned too much over weight things Amy, its small stuff. Besides it is winter time, and we have a tendency to gain a bit more. I feel like a whale myself but it can wait until Jan 1st.

    Maybe try something different than what you have been doing. As we get older our bodies change from when we use to run around West Duluth back in the day.

    Things will be okay. You’ll see. Make sure Hoyt is nice and doesn’t be a true man by saying something dumb that makes things worse (they have a bad habit of doing that) just try to relax and things will fall into place.

  3. Thank you everyone. 🙂 I think I need to play some video games and relax a bit. With nearly an entire week off, I haven’t had a moment to relax yet, and the holidays are still to come! Cooking for eleven people then opening gifts with just as many the next day. It’s nice to be around family, but I really do need a break.

    Yeah, winter is the time of weightly gain… but it’s still sad to do so much exercising with negative impact. Herr only says nice things though, so that helps. 🙂 Thank you!

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