Monthly Archives: March 2006

Ambiguous Memories

This morning I had to drive Hoyt to a train training yard, so I spent a lot more time driving into the sun than usual. It made me feel nomadic, traveling into the rising sun… just like my memories have been as of late. Nomadic. Changing. No longer the safe history that made me who I am today.

These feelings began when I started connecting with people from my past. I have always been bad about keeping in contact with people, and now that I have a presence on the Facebook and MySpace, I am making social webs with all my old high school, college, and even elementary school friends. Just looking at the people they know, some recent pictures of them just not being the young children I remember them being in my memories, my my memories feel so invalid and incomplete. They did not just disappear from the world as they did my life, not that I wanted that to happen, but that is just the way it goes sometimes.

And with all the genealogy work I am doing, making others recall the past, I feel like I am instigating memories either to change or resurface, and in resurfacing change with that particular person's new life perspectives from when the event actually happened… I am drudging up those feelings in not only myself, but in my family members. It makes me feel really glad that Hoyt is here, and he is real, and stable, and something solid to root myself to. If not, I think I would be lost in a sea of change and “squishy” (as Erica would say) memories. A life built upon squishiness… I don't know how to react to that but that word makes me really want some sushi.

Wedding Bells

There's definitely a wedding bug going around, and I have totally caught it. Hoyt and I have talked about marriage quite a bit, although we really can't foretell what his new job will do to the relationship. It has been stressing us both out quite a bit, and he keeps saying everything will be fine if he can get a job in like Chicago or another large city. It won't be, unfortunately, and the more I think about it, the more I really don't want to know.

I did find the perfect wedding dress though, at least for this particular possible marriage. Hoyt absolutely loves the 1920s flapper style, so I found a Old Hollywood styled dress at Emma Scott Design. Of course, price is a big problem, but that is the look! Location has been somewhat up in the air too. I thought it would be best to hold it in Madison or Minneapolis; a more centralized location for both of our families. My original idea was to have it at the Union Terrace because that was where we had our first date. Then for a honeymoon either Maccu Piccu or South Africa to ride the Blue Train up to Victoria Falls. *sigh* But everything depends on where Hoyt ends up working.

Until we find out (and probably discover he has to move) I need to focus on being happy with what I have. It's really hard to do when there's an 80% chance it's going bye-bye in less than a month. Phooey.

Cookierific ending

A follow-up on the cookie reviews… peace has been restored to the classroom! Today was actually a great day to give everyone cookies because they ended up going over a half an hour (and they usually get out an hour before, so it was technically an hour and a half longer than usual). Believe me, I sat in the parking lot for half an hour wondering what happened.

The cookies were a definite success though. Hoyt was given many compliments, and those who knew me asked him to give compliments directly to me. I'm just glad that everyone was able to get along after the incident from Friday. Made me feel a lot better despite the head aches. I am hoping tomorrow will be better than today, I could not focus at all and after a while I just started getting a little loony… funny in the head. As if that's any different than any other day, but it is usually not pain induced. I think a hot bath might help, and I am going to switch to my special pillow (it's missing the middle, a hole-y pillow, hee hee) to give a little more neck support at night. Thank goodness for the cold weather… Hoyt wanted to go out to play tennis again today. I need more rest! :-p

I have contacted my great-grand aunt and am now establishing contacts with the three (of seven) remaining great-grandaunts from my mother's side. I find it amusing all the women outlived the men in my family, and a somewhat ominous feeling that I might end up in the same situation. Speaking with women well into their 80s does call up thoughts of death and loneliness… I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared to live longer than my spouse, end up alone and waiting for my turn to die… although I also think I feel that way now, while I am still fairly young and cannot comprehend wanting everything to shove off. Elderly people seem more at peace with being alone or close to death, and I think that may be a security that is only earned with age. What a great merit badge: “You're a year older, you're that much more comfortable with death…” Wow, that's morbid. :-p In any case, I am glad they are still alive because I can find out about my ancestors from Germany. They have pictures too. Pictures are good. 🙂 So are cookies.

Sugary goodness…

This weekend has definitely been busy. With the beginning of tennis came the beginning of back and head pains. Having recovered from skoliosis when I was young, I have always had to be careful with what I do that causes stress on back and neck muscles. Boy have I been in a lot of pain and am now losing sleep from it. Going to start playing tennis more logically-stretching prior to and after playing and treating my neck and back to heat pads and massaging toys (if I ever go out to buy them). Other than that, we did a lot of exploring again.

Saturday was absolutely beautiful, so we got out early, saw the JoCo Museum's new Wild and Wacky Weather exhibit and listened to Jay Antle speak about tornado myths. It was good information for someone new to the flatter Great Plains region. Then we checked out the Lackman library branch and Blue Valley branch again. Did some more shopping at the Oak Park Mall and Best Buy… then we got to playing tennis. Getting better, but faaaar from ready to play a real game.

Today we went to the auto show and discovered that a lot of the cars I fell in love with actually really suck. :-p Instead, I absolutely love the Volkswagon Beetle 2006 2.5L and TDI (that's like bio diesel dude… and gets 44 mpg highway, although only at 100 mph max), the Honda S2000 2006 convertible, and the Subaru Impreza 2006(22mpg/28mpg). So exciting! The Impreza was impressive (hee hee) because it does the 22/28 split four a four-wheel all-terrain car. Dude. Found out the Mustang is horrid for viewing outside, you know, like at the road… and the Dodge Charger (while surprisingly better than the Mustang) has similar short comings. Smaller windows are really a bad idea, especially for someone (aka me) that can hardly see above the dash to begin with. Afterwards we had some yummies at Jack Stack BBQ… the BEST BBQ joint in town! And it was right across from the Union Station, so Hoyt was totally staring out the window. With him, if he's lost and staring at something, I don't have to worry that it's another girl, it's just a train. :-p I highly recommend Jack Stack. So good!

Now I am baking cookies for Hoyt's classmates; biiiig chocolately chip goodness. 😀 Last Friday the class was divided by a really bad prank, so I decided to make this Monday a little more bearable with lots of sugar. Lots. Lots and lots. Ohhhhh, sugar… hee hee. >:-D Sugar sugar sugar sugar sugar…